THE UNHOLY BLU-RAY review

Following a near death experience that he inexplicably survived, Father Michael (Ben Cross) is given his own parish, St Agnes. There, he meets Millie (Jill Carroll), a teenage runaway who has become involved with a local nightclub owner with links to the occult. As Father Michael tries to save Millie and determine if the demonic goings-on are a hoax, he is forced to question the strength of his beliefs.

One of a number of religious films released in the years after The Exorcist, The Unholy takes the familiar idea of a priest trying to save a young woman but sets itself apart from the opening scene, which sees Father Dennis, the former priest for St Agnes, praying at the alter as a red-headed temptress in very see-through clothing approaches him for the last kiss he will ever have. With its garish lighting and liberal use of wind machines its like a more biblical version of Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart music video, but also with more boobs.

It turns out that when he died, Father Dennis was also trying to save Millie from her association with Luke (William Russ), the owner of a local club called The Threshold that performs on stage ritual sacrifices of debatable authenticity. Luke, a weird Billy Idol-esque bad boy with a strong 'N'awlins' drawl denies having any real association with the occult and also wants to save Millie. Is Luke really who he seems or is it possible she's leading both of them on?

It's inevitable that any horror with a heavily religious theme is going to be compared to The Exorcist, but to give it its dues, The Unholy does its best to offer something different than a simple clone of that film. At times it lacks the subtlety or restraint of The Exorcist, and that had a teenage girl masturbating with a crucifix. This is more in B-movie territory, the kind of schlocky nonsense that in the early 90s you'd find in the VHS collection of your mate's older brother, with corpses bursting into flames and voluminous bloody vomit splashing down at the foot of the alter. Nice.

It also relies more on some gloopy creature effects, that work to a varying degree in the context of the story. Some of the scenes of demonic possession are exemplified by billowing curtains and torn up pieces of paper flying around, but by and large this is a well shot film with a nice visual style. Hal Holbrook, Ned Beatty and Trevor Howard pop up in small roles, but the film belongs to Ben Cross who really sinks his teeth into the role of Father Michael, giving an admirably weighty performance that keeps the film from slipping into farce. With shades of Suspiria and The Wicker Man, The Unholy is an enjoyably pulpy take on the religious horror movie.

Verdict
3/5

Special Features-
- Audio commentary from director Camilo Vila
- Isolated score and interview with composer Roger Bellon
- Audio interview with production designer and co-writer Fernando Fonseca
- 'Sins of the Father' with Ben Cross
- 'Prayer Offerings' with production designer and co-writer Fernando Fonseca
- 'Demons in the Flesh', the monsters of The Unholy
- Original ending with optional commentary from producer Mathew Haydon
- Theatrical trailer
- TV and radio spots
- Storyboard and stills gallery

PARENTS BLU-RAY review

Meet the Laemle's. At first glance they're your typical 50s American family... Dad goes to work every day whilst Mom stays at home doing housework and preparing dinner for her 10 year old son, Michael. Except Michael isn't your average child, and he's starting to question why they have leftovers for dinner every night, and what were they before they were leftovers?

Pitched somewhere between Tim Burton's Pee Wee's Big Adventure and David Lynch's Blue Velvet, Parents is a very weird film about a very weird family. Main character Michael (Bryan Madorsky) is not a chip off the old block, generally scared and concerned about who his parents really are behind the sheen of suburban harmony. Dad (Randy Quaid) may be all comfortable sweaters and horn-rimmed glasses on the surface, but his job at Toxico doing experiments on cadavers hides something sinister about the man inside the sweater; and Mom (Mary Beth Hurt) may look like she's straight off the cover of a family cookbook, but there's definitely some strange ingredients in her recipes.

Directed by character actor Bob Balaban, probably best known for his appearance in Close Encounters of the Third Kind or his more recent work with Wes Anderson (or maybe just as Phoebe's dad in Friends), it's always interesting to see what material drives actors to make their first film behind the camera. Although this was Balaban's first theatrical directorial effort back in 1989, he had previously (and has primarily since) worked in television, perhaps most pertinent to this film on the pilot episode of the television series Tales from the Darkside.

Featuring orchestral music by David Lynch regular Angelo Badalamenti, Parents has a dark and sombre tone not unlike Twin Peaks, but as a dark suburban fantasy it nails the weirdness whilst never quite managing to be scary or gripping enough to match the world created by Lynch and Frost, which to be fair, is probably asking too much of this film. Kind of like a junior school version of Society, it works best when the smiles of this perfect nuclear family start to crack and Mom and Dad start to reveal their dark secrets, although Michael is such a weird little boy it's up for debate as to how real what he thinks he sees is.

The sole acting credit for Bryan Madorsky, he's great at playing the kind of kid you'd be worried about your own offspring hanging out with, like a young Norman Bates in waiting. He never does anything more irrational than worry about his own safety, but still... you just sort of know he's a weird kid. But Madorsky is more than capable of holding his own against the likes of Randy Quaid - a man not afraid of putting in a big performance when asked to do so-, and he has some great scenes with Mary Beth Hurt's Mom, like a deadpan Wednesday Addams interacting with Laura Linney's super chipper housewife from The Truman Show.

Make no bones about it, Parents is an extremely odd, sometimes sinister and occasionally disgusting vision of the perfect 1950s suburban life, and although you many never find yourself corpsing with laughter, it's an eccentric and curious oddity that raises a few smiles in its downright weirdness.

Verdict
3/5

Special Features-
- Commentary from director Bob Balaban and producer Bonnie Palef
- Isolated score and interview with composer Jonathan Elias
- 'Mother's Day' - a new interview with Mary Beth Hurt
- 'Inside Out' - an interview with director of photography Robin Vidgeon
- 'Vintage Tastes' - with decorative consultant Yolanda Cuomo
- Theatrical trailer
- Radio spots
- Stills gallery

CLASS OF 1999 BLU-RAY review

In 1999 there is no law. Society is crumbling, and Dr Bob Forrest (Stacy Keach) thinks he has the answer in the shape of highly advanced, lifelike robots that can keep the youth of the day in check. With gangs taking over his school, Malcolm McDowell's Kennedy High principal agrees to let the robots teach classes, as long as they can deliver what the children need most... discipline.

Released from juvie and headed back to school on the same day is bad boy Cody (Bradley Gregg), former leader of the Blackhearts gang, now eager to serve his time in school and keep his nose clean, until he learns that his younger brother Angel (Joshua John Miller, aka the late 80s answer to Edward Furlong) is about to be initiated into the gang. Hoping to keep himself and his brother out of trouble and away from the mysterious new teachers at school, Cody still finds himself landing on their radar. The three teachers, 'old man-bot', 'not Arnie-bot' and 'actual Pam Grier-bot' start doling out a variety of punishments, quickly escalating from spankings and a good shove, to actual cold blooded murder. In order to uncover the real truth about the new teachers and where they come from, Cody, along with the help of the principal's daughter Christie (Traci Lind) breaks into the teachers' apartment where the robo-conspiracy begins to unravel when he find cupboards filled with (dun, dun, dun)... WD40.

What's quite impressive in Class of 1999 is that cinemas favourite rent-a-baddie Malcolm McDowell isn't even that bad a guy. Heck, he isn't even the second most evil white haired man in the film. The top honours go to Stacy Keach, introduced to us with a bright white mullet and irises to match, later gleefully covering up the murder of children whilst chowing down on a banana. All his dialogue is delivered through a maniacal grin that would give schoolchildren nightmares.

Part of the fun of re-visiting "old" genre films is how wrong (and sometimes how right) they got their visions of the future. Now, I'm not suggesting that director Mark Lester saw this scenario actually becoming a reality, but it's an added bonus to look back on this film, 20 years after it was set and enjoy the many "thank god that didn't happen" morsels. Here Lester is doubling down on the concept of outlaw school kids he used for Class of 1984 (released in 1982), but at least this time he gave a good 9 years notice for his futuristic vision to come into effect.

I think it's fair to say that this film quite liberally 'takes inspiration' from James Cameron's The Terminator, but does it in a style that would please Cameron's former mentor Roger Corman. Class of 1999 takes Cameron's idea and says "what if school teachers were Terminators?", running with the concept to its illogical conclusion. There's also plenty to snark at in the vision of the future that begins with infographics straight out of Escape From New York and then features its three 'deadly' robots orchestrating gang warfare by driving around in a nice, functional Ford saloon car. It also doesn't have the same level of special effects as Cameron's original - less Cyberdyne systems and more like Jones from Police Academy 6 stuffing off-cuts of metal up his sleeve to pass as a robot - although there is a step up come the finale when the teens are pursued by a very Arnie-like walking metal skeleton. And yet despite all these moments of ridiculousness, Class of 1999 is not a bad film by any stretch.

The latest film to be given the hi-def upgrade as part of the Vestron Video Collector's Series, Class of 1999 is derivative of other, better films, for sure, and definitely doesn't make enough of having Pam Grier in the cast, but any film that has enough sense of humour to have a teacher profess how much he likes to "mould young minds" as he drills through a students forehead is okay with me.

Verdict
3.5/5

Special Features -
- Commentary by producer/director Mark Lester
- School Safety - interviews with Mark Lester and producer Eugene Mazzola
- New Rules - interview with screenwriter C. Courtney Joyner
- Cyber-Teachers From Hell - interview with special effects creators Eric Allard and Rick Stratton
- Future of Discipline - interview with director of photography Mark Irwin
- Theatrical trailer
- TV spots
- Stills Gallery
- Video promo

THE GATE BLU-RAY review

The latest batch of Vestron Video titles have had their upgraded blu-ray releases this week, and first up for review is the unfairly forgotten Stephen Dorff horror, The Gate.

Left to look after the house for the weekend when their parents are away, 13 year old Glen (a ridiculously young Stephen Dorff) and his older sister Al (Christa Denton) are forced to fend off otherworldly spirits summoned by a broken orb dug up at the bottom of the garden by Glen and his best friend Terry. Manifesting themselves as all manner of creatures, Glen, Terry and Al must put their petty squabbles aside to avoid having the house, and maybe the entire world, destroyed.

When I think of Stephen Dorff, I think of the 90s heart-throb who was the villain in the first Blade film and the washed up movie star in Sofia Coppola's Somewhere. What I don't think of is the teeny, tiny, teenage poppet who appears in The Gate, a munchkin not dissimilar to a young Leonardo DiCaprio in Critters 3 or River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke in Explorers. Filmed in Canada when Dorff was just 13 years old, this was his debut movie role but still manages to show some of the laid back performance style that would define him as a movie star later on. Glen is perpetually blindsided by the events in his house, which given the believability of the effects work does make sense.

First things first, The Gate is almost objectionably 1980s. The odd "fag" insults here and there, horrendous clothing on literally everyone, and one poor girl who seems to have been the model for Cameron Diaz’s There’s Something About Mary jizz hair, presented without explanation. It’s a portrait of suburbia as a barren wasteland of fun; with identikit houses with huge lawns and nothing for the kids to do except play in the dirt, which of course is what leads the kids into trouble when they uncover a pit from hell.

It’s a bit of a slow starter, and the first couple of scares aren’t especially ground breaking (pun intended), but when it kicks into gear and shows off its effects work, The Gate is great bordering on fantastic. In a blatant pilfering of The Evil Dead’s Necronomicon incantation recordings, the film features a goofy subplot about playing a record backwards to find out how to banish the demons; but in classic The Evil Dead fashion all they manage to do is piss off some demons and speed up their ascent from hell.

One of the canniest moves this film plays is the gradual ramping up of the effects work, beginning with some dry ice and back lighting and then shifting up a gear as mini Dorff put his fingers through the eye sockets of a demon, allowing for a horrible soupy substance to flow out. Yes, this is a real treat for gore hounds who appreciate the artistry of a good effects shot, and the originality and execution of the special effects is worth commending.

The story of a young boy and his sister battling monsters from beneath is simple enough, but this film is still able to wrong foot you and provide a number of pleasant surprises. When it feels like The Gate has reached its natural end you then realise the story hasn’t even hit the hour mark yet, and then the teens head into the basement to retrieve the spell they need to close the gate (hello again, The Evil Dead) leading to a solid 40 minutes of absolute bedlam; with zombies, demonic children, even more mini orc beasties and one of the most jaw dropping special effects shots I’ve seen in a long time. It's perhaps sacrilegious to say you can afford to sacrifice a cleverly nuanced script when the entirety of your budget is up there to see in the tremendous VFX work, but this is definitely a perfect example of that happening. There are numerous moments where you’ll find yourself wanting to rewind it and watch a VFX shot again. And now you can.

The title is unremarkable, the acting is never beyond what you’d expect from a bunch of kids, there’s not much way in plot and what there is has been taken from other films; but I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend The Gate to anyone with a fondness for slightly naff 80s horrors. Seriously, this is a special effects bonanza that deserves to have a bigger midnight movie following. Buy this, invite your friends around and watch their jaws hit the floor.

Verdict

3.5/5

Special Features
- Two commentaries from the director, writer and special effects crew
- Isolated score and interview with the composers
- Modern featurettes about the making of the film
- Creature workshop
- Teaser trailer
- Theatrical trailer
- Storyboards
- behind the scenes gallery

BLOOD DINER BLU-RAY review

Amid the rise of the boutique DVD label such as Arrow, Indicator, Criterion, etc, there are those who say "no more!". Well, to them I say, "no, more!" And so I'm happy to see a new series of titles released under the Vestron Video label that celebrate some ultra obscure movies that you aren't going to find anywhere else. First to be released is 1987's Blood Diner.

An opening crawl positions Jackie Kong's Blood Diner firmly in B-movie territory, renouncing practitioners of blood cults while at the same time hoping to trick the audience into thinking they're about to see something trull satanic; for example, stating that "all of the mutilations, body dismemberments and cannibal rituals were performed by seasoned professionals". It has a severed tongue firmly in cheek.

Our two main characters are the Tutman brothers, Michael and George (Rick Burks and Carl Crew). Together they run a local eatery that bring delicious vegetarian food to the masses, with their "Tuesday Surprise" a particular favourite. As you might have deduced from the title and the fact this is a cheesy 80s horror film, their food is not what you would traditionally class as vegetarian, but rather the deep fried remains of victims of a murderous rampage that has been targeting some of the local vegetarian hotspots, including a nude aerobics class and a club where the brothers are able to meet unsuspecting women to lure back to their restaurant/murder scene. It's here that they meet a sticky end, either by getting their head plunged into a deep fat fryer, or by going back for their purse when they should be fleeing for their life.

Of course there's a reason behind all this dismemberment that goes further than re-stocking the pantry, and that would obviously be to re-animate the goddess Sheetar that their long departed Uncle Anwar (offed in a police shoot out that saw him "armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other") worshipped. Taking orders from Uncle Anwar's brain in a jar, he gives the boys a gross grocery list of body parts that would make Silence of the Lambs' Buffalo Bill wince.

Wilfully offensive and misogynistic, Blood Diner is the kind of film where you can tell that the supporting cast have also done porn at some point in their career. Written by Dukey Flyswatter (frontman for post-punk rock band Haunted Garage and voice of the Imp in Sorority Babes, but I'm sure I didn't need to tell you that), it's a madcap mess of a movie, but never tries to be anything but that. It's definitely kinda hokey, but there's so much to appreciate (and on blu-ray I'm sure this is the best the film has ever looked) including zombies and cannibal feasts and the fact that one of the key supporting characters is made out of crude paper mache.

With a post-punk aesthetic that shows a no holds barred approach to offending as much of its audience as possible, this film features a wrestler named Jimmy Hitler, the two worst homicide detectives in the world, and the greatest reveal this side of Troll 2's true meaning of Nilbog. The tagline, first they greet you then they eat you is simply delicious, and it has a barnstorming and barmy ending that means you leave the film on a high. If you're looking for a generous helping of cult film with a side of silliness, here's one to takeaway. This bodes well for the next films to be released on the Vestron label.

Verdict
3/5

CHUD II: BUD THE CHUD BLU-RAY review

The second release under the new Vestron Video label sees a shadowy government agency try to cover up for the fact that they've accidentally released a CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller) into a small town community, and he's started to get hungry.

There are a number of reasons why you may want to watch Bud the Chud. Maybe you saw the first film and wanted to see where the story, set in the New York City sewers, went next (This film has literally nothing to do with its predecessor)? Or maybe you're a fan of the work of Gerritt Graham (A recognisable supporting player given the title role here, even if he's a zombie corpse)? Or maybe you're a fan of trash cinema, a sub-sub-genre of pulpy films which this is a part of. That sounds a little unfair, but if it's not trash it's at the very least almost there; like the tea bag trail left behind on the lid of a bin.

Robert Vaughn appears in one of his hammiest roles (no small feat) as the Colonel in charge of the CHUD program, hoping to secure funding for future research into the reanimation of dead soldiers and desperate to keep the little snafu of Bud's release under wraps. Unfortunately for him some stupid teenagers have accidentally defrosted Bud's infected corpse and he's now making his way around town turning other people and the occasional dog into CHUDs along the way. If comparing him to other zombies, Bud is more like Day of the Dead's Bub than anyone else. Not merely a mindless killer, he's able to have a degree of thought, organising others to follow him in the pursuit of people to eat. At one point he goes and gets a haircut, which I'm pretty sure has never happened in a Romero film.

It also definitely didn't happen in the first film, as the CHUDs here have been given a dramatic makeover both in look and in demeanour. They don't even dwell underground anymore, and that's literally the second half of their name. Bud would be more accurately described as a CHAZ (Cannibalistic Humanoid Army Zombie), but then his name wouldn't rhyme, would it?

With their sharpened teeth and goofy grins they're almost cute. It's no surprise that the finale bears a resemblance to Joe Dante's Gremlins 2, a film series that mirrors the CHUD series' pattern of serious original, jokey sequel. It's also worth noting that the writer of Bud the Chud, Ed Naha, also wrote the original Troll film, another film whose sequel bore no relation to the first installment.

Despite his bitchin' mullet, lead annoying teenager Brian Robbins achieved nothing really of note as an actor, but has gone on to achieve some degree of infamy as director of such cinematic gems as Eddie Murphy's A Thousand Words, Meet Dave and Norbit. Also featured is Tricia Leigh Fisher, daughter of Debbie Reynolds and younger sister of Carrie Fisher. As Katie, the object of Bud's affection, she's not called upon to do much more than deliver spiky comebacks to the boys, and during the finale don a terrible swimsuit that Bud and the CHUDs find so appealing that they're willing to jump into a potentially deadly swimming pool to be near her.

Now, it's fair to say that CHUD 2: Bud the Chud (to give it its full title), is not a great movie. It's also questionable as to whether it's even a good one. But yet it's a film that I have a soft spot for, and have seen many times over the years since I discovered the joys of cult horror movies. This is never going to achieve the same sort of recognition as Troll or Troll 2 and I can't imagine there are many cinemas lining up to add it to their midnight movies rosters, but beneath the simple make-up and awkward comedy scenes lies a film that can't fail to raise a smile from anyone who's seen it.

That's partly down to the infectious and never ending theme tune that almost hypnotises you into going along with the movie, but perhaps most likely down to the performance of Gerritt Graham as Bud, who brings a lot of childlike charm to the role and will undoubtedly have you rooting for him to kill the annoying teenagers as soon as possible. He's an actor you may recognise from his role in one of the Police Academy sequels or possibly as Beef in Brian De Palma's recently re-appraised Phantom of the Paradise, but to me he's always going to be Bud the Chud.

So far I'm fully on board with the titles that Vestron have chosen to re-release, but I do think they've missed a trick in not taking the opportunity to rebrand this film somewhat to move it away from C.H.U.D., a film that has no cultural cache in the U.K. and to the best of my knowledge has never been commercially available on these shores. Sure, you could own an imported DVD of the region 1 release, but what kind of loser (me) would do that? The box art, although an accurate reprint of the original marketing, does nothing to represent the film, or its comic tone.

It's a shame that this film is burdened with the baggage of its predecessor, as although it might not be as well respected as the far more serious in tone original, it's the better of the two films. Not necessarily in terms of filmmaking craft, but if you asked me which of the two I'd like to sit down and watch, it's this one every time. Sure, the CHUD make-up doesn't go much further than a pair of comedy teeth and a slap in the face with some talcum powder, but the finale manages to deliver some decent visual effects, and in Bud, a different take on what it means to be a zombie.

Verdict
2.5/5